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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:00:56 GMT
I am not meaning to be macarbre but we realised after my dad died that we had no idea at all what sort of funeral he would have wanted and that has made me wonder about what sort I would want if I dropped dead tomorrow. Realistically a lot would depend on who was paying as I don't have any money to leave. I'd be perfectly happy donated to medical science, indeed, but I suppose that my family might not like that.
I would for preference take burial over cremation, tho it is more expensive. I thought my dad's funeral was very well done, lots of nice things said, some of his favourite poetry read. Something like that seems fine to me. I suppose I am not a Christian so maybe it would be hypocritical to have a church funeral but .. well I live in hope and it's a beautiful church
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 19:08:10 GMT
This post reminds me that I really need to plan my funeral. I started thinking about it a couple of year ago after my bypass surgery, but I keep changing my mind about the details...
Of course, it's really expensive, so that's holding me back somewhat. Not really fair for my kids, though, if I procrastinate too long.
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:09:55 GMT
Will the church not give you a hefty discount?
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 19:14:01 GMT
It's the fees for the undertaker that costs. We don't charge for the funeral. (Although a donation to the church is always happily accepted.)
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:15:08 GMT
Heh there was a charge for the church here  I am not sure how much it was tho, I think it might have been included in the undertakers fees. |
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 19:16:36 GMT
The fees are separate here, unless the service is conducted in the funeral home. For example, I'm doing a funeral next Tuesday at a funeral home and they'll be paying me for it, although it's the next of kin who will be charged.
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:17:31 GMT
I am not sure if it's the vicar himself who gets the fees or the church |
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 19:21:08 GMT
If I do a funeral at my church, the money usually goes to the church. If they give me money personally, I keep it in my discretionary fund. Any money I get from a funeral home I keep. |
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:22:15 GMT
what's a discretionary fund? I was shocked at how much the funeral itself cost, even with a cremation. |
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 19:24:55 GMT
A discretionary fund is money my church gives me to give to people at my discretion. If someone comes to me with a sad story that some cash can help, I have some to give. If I don't have any left in the fund, I end up giving my own money, and that gets old fast...
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Post by Mari on Mar 8, 2013 19:39:23 GMT
I want to be cremated and I have a list with songs they can play. It's all in a word file on my computer.
Once every so often I update it and share it with my father. Speaking of which, I should do that again.
In that file I also have a few last words for my friends and family and suggestions for flowers etc.
I will leave the rest up to the people who stay behind to do what they feel is best.
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 19:42:34 GMT
My dad had Katherine Jenkins time to say goodbye and the Kinks Thank you for the days
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Post by juju on Mar 8, 2013 20:16:49 GMT
I'd like something outside - I want a green burial. There's a company that makes these sorts of biodegradable cartons to put your ashes in, that grow into trees. The difficulty would be where to plant it. I'm not sure I could choose a place that everyone could visit. Music wise, it's so hard to choose. Into the West was always my preferred choice, but to be honest, I'd like my family to choose songs that remind them of me. I wonder what they would be... I'll have to ask. |
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 20:19:19 GMT
You guys are so organized! (I really must get going on this...)
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 20:37:32 GMT
Into the West is a great choice...
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Post by tangent on Mar 8, 2013 20:49:21 GMT
I am not sure if it's the vicar himself who gets the fees or the church The Church of England has a standard set of fees. The fee for a funeral followed by cremation is £186 of which £114 goes to the local diocese (to assist in paying the vicar's salary) and the remainder to the church itself. The vicar doesn't receive any payment directly from the funeral. There are additional fees for heating, the services of a verger, the organist, bells and flowers, which vary from church to church. |
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Post by Mari on Mar 8, 2013 20:54:04 GMT
I'd like something outside - I want a green burial. There's a company that makes these sorts of biodegradable cartons to put your ashes in, that grow into trees. The difficulty would be where to plant it. I'm not sure I could choose a place that everyone could visit. Here you are not allowed to scatter ashes wherever you want. You have to ask for permission from the local government if you want to use someplace other than the places assigned for it. |
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Post by Alvamiga on Mar 8, 2013 21:04:53 GMT
I think I prefer the idea of burial to cremation. I was very surprised at the cost of the funeral yesterday, considering all the extras I had to pay for Tracy's natural burial. One thing I am sure of is that I do not want to be embalmed. I think it is a horrific thing to do to a loved one.  Speaking of vergers, I noticed yesterday that, due to health and safety bureaucracy, the verger was wearing a fluorescent jacket when waiting outside for all the people wearing black. Seemed very odd at the time! |
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 21:09:08 GMT
That scruffy guy in the yellow jacket and trainers?! He was the verger? Good God, I wondered if he had turned up to try and beg off the people going into the church BTW I asked the funeral director whether it was legal to scatter ashes wherever you wanted. He said no, but then added words to the effect of 'but who is going to know?' |
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Post by Mari on Mar 8, 2013 21:15:36 GMT
That's true enough.
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Post by juju on Mar 8, 2013 21:15:58 GMT
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Post by Mari on Mar 8, 2013 21:19:41 GMT
Oh, that's a really nice thing. I wonder if that would be allowed on the cemetery. Plots are small and I imagine that a decade old tree takes up a lot of space.
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Post by Alvamiga on Mar 8, 2013 21:39:04 GMT
That scruffy guy in the yellow jacket and trainers?! He was the verger? Good God, I wondered if he had turned up to try and beg off the people going into the church I assume he was the verger. He seemed to be doing vergerial (pretty certain that's not a real word) things. I hadn't noticed trainers, only the dazzling jacket! BTW I asked the funeral director whether it was legal to scatter ashes wherever you wanted. He said no, but then added words to the effect of 'but who is going to know?' I asked the same question generally when I was at the funeral directors'. I got about the same response... what are they going to do? Make you hoover it back up and sort out the ashes from the rest of things? Had Tracy wanted to be cremated, I would have scattered the ashes in Pembrokeshire where we had been planning to move. Fortunately, she had told me that she had changed her mind less than two weeks before she died! Tracy had on one occasion expressed the desire to be frozen, smashed up and shot into space... I mentioned that to the lady at the funeral home and she informed me that it was almost feasible these days. There was an interesting thing on the Radio a while back about someone's grandmother who had been cremated and then loaded into a firework and exploded...  Just found a link to a company that does these things... |
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Post by Alvamiga on Mar 8, 2013 21:40:41 GMT
...by total coincidence, I am listening to an interview with "Britain's best embalmer" from a podcast back in September.
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 21:51:38 GMT
We asked if they did embalming as a matter of course but the guy said - delicately - that it was rather difficult if there'd been a post mortem
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Post by Kye on Mar 8, 2013 23:06:53 GMT
Embalming is the usual thing here.
According to one Funeral Home site, the average cost of a funeral in Quebec is 5,500$ I actually thought it would be more, but I guess it depends on the price of the casket, the reception and other do-dads.
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 23:24:05 GMT
What is that is UK pounds?
I gather that embalming is not usual in the UK and the only reason I asked was cos at the time, there was apparently going to be a post mortem (well there WAS a post mortem) and no-one knew how long it would take so I wondered if embalming might be the better option (tho it's not an idea I like generally) but yeah, guy said embalming and post mortems don't really mix.
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Post by tangent on Mar 8, 2013 23:40:27 GMT
Speaking of vergers, I noticed yesterday that, due to health and safety bureaucracy, the verger was wearing a fluorescent jacket when waiting outside for all the people wearing black. Seemed very odd at the time! Pat, who is our verger, certainly doesn't wear a fluorescent jacket  |
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Post by Moose on Mar 8, 2013 23:45:48 GMT
He was standing outside when we got there and he was right scruffy to be honest. I had no idea who he was so I nodded vaguely and we went in. Then he sat at the back all through the service so I presumed that he'd been meant to be there, tho I still did not know who he was
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Post by jayme on Mar 9, 2013 2:46:55 GMT
Best memorial service, ever.
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I am not sure how much it was tho, I think it might have been included in the undertakers fees.
